from Ben, aged 10, UK
Q: what did the dalek say to the doctor after the dalek had eaten an egg sandwich?
A: i will EGGsterminate you!
You need to have watched the TV series ‘Dr Who’ to get Ben’s joke!
from William, aged 11, Australia
3 guys went on a magic slide, whatever the guy said on the slide would be what he lands on the bottom. The 1st guy went down and said ‘gold’. So he landed in gold. The 2nd guy said ‘fame’. So he landed in fame. The 3rd guy was not concentrating and was having so much fun he screamed out WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. So he landed in pee.
a long but very clever joke from Sabine, aged 13, England
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, ‘Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!’ Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, ‘Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?’
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. ‘Whew!’, says the leopard, ‘That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!’
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, ‘Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, ‘What am I going to do now?’, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says…
‘Where’s that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
from Nikki, aged 11, England
Q.What do you call a bug that is half asleep
A. a lazybird
from melissa, aged 10, Australia
Q.why is six scared of seven
Q.how does a penguin make its igloo
A.it igloos it together
Oh ha ha!
Q.three men walked into a bar
A.you think one of them would’ve noticed it
Q.why did the man throw butter out the window
A.so he could see a butter fly
from anna, aged 14, England
I assume you’re NOT blonde, Anna. I’m sure blondes aren’t any more stupid than anyone else is but this idea of blondes being dumb seems to stick around, as Anna’s jokes show! Aren’t there any jokes about dark-haired people?
two blonds walked into a building
you would have thought that one of them would have noticed
Q – how do you keep a blond bussy?
A – put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner
A – give her a piece of paper with P.T.O written on both sides
From Ronan, aged 10, Hong Kong
Q:What card is a famous digger?
A:The ace of spades.
Q: What do you call chicken soup ?
A:Cock a doodle stew.
Q: What do you call a prehistoric pig?
Q:What do you call a prehistoric Cake?
Q:What’s in space, has got feathers, And goes “fart fart fart”?
A: An Unidentified Farting Ostrich – a UFO
Thank you Ronan. We’ve seen you on my jokes pages before… and you’re still finding new jokes to send me.
from Sophie, aged 8, New Zealand
Q: why did the cow cross the road ?
A: to go to the mooooovies
from Jamie, aged 8, UK
Q why do cows drink milk
A bcoz they have nothing udder to do
Q what dog has diarroeha
Q what is black & white and red all over
A a penguin that has done 100 push- ups
Q what is thesaddest part of a cowboy
A blue jeans
Q Why did the clock get arrested
A bcoz it struck twelve
Q you can never catch a cold going up the elevator true or false
A true you can come down with a cold you come up with cure
Q who leads a duck orchesta
A the con-duk -tor
Q what would you get if your doctor became a vampire
A more blood tests than ever
Q why was the lamb punished
A bcoz it was baaaa-d
Phew, what a stack of jokes! Thanks Jamie.
from molly, aged 10, UK
Q: why did the elphant cross the road
A: to make a trunk call
from Michael, aged 7, USA
Q: Why did the monkey itch?
A: He had the monkeypox!!!
from sabrina, aged 14, UK
Q: why do bees hum?
A: because they dont know the words.